Barstool Sports

2-0.

Andy Milinokis, Riff Raff, and Simon Rex as Dirt Nasty. This may very well be the greatest Caucasian rap group in the history of time. Have a great weekend!

“And she dropped to her knees and did the Tim Tebow…”

LET’S. GO. SIXERS.

TMZ -Will Smith just slapped a Ukrainian reporter across the face at the Moscow premiere of “Men in Black 3″ — and it was all caught on tape. The Ukrainian reporter tries to kiss Will on the lips on the red carpet and the actor angrily pushes him away and then backhands him across the face. You can clearly see that Will is incredibly pissed that the guy showed overt affection toward him. After Will slaps the guy, Will says, “He’s lucky I didn’t sucker punch him.” We’re told the dude who kissed Will is a television reporter who often kisses celebrities — it’s his schtick. For the record, Will just came out in support of gay marriage. A source on scene tells TMZ, the reporter’s mouth brushed up against Will’s and that’s why the actor reacted so violently. Despite the incident, Will stayed positive … and happily continued to sign autographs for fans and do red carpet interviews.

West Philly stand up!

Nice to see he still has some fight left in him. I haven’t been this proud of Will since that episode of Fresh Prince when he stepped up to his father when dad was trying to leave his life without him again. One cheek kiss is enough, bro. I know America’s President just came out in favor of gay marriage, but that doesn’t mean you can just go brushing your lips with those of one of the most powerful actors in the world. It ain’t that type of party. Just because the man’s a swinger / Scientologist doesn’t mean he’s down for whatever.

Thank God I’m not the only person who didn’t like Transformers. Those movies were absolutely terrible. And I’m not saying that as some snobby film nerd critiquing the lack of character development or screenplay, I’m saying that as a grown man who paid way too much money for two hours of explosions and advertisements.

I liked Transformers as a kid, but that doesn’t mean I have to support it until the day I die. If I wanted to see dirty people moving around loud screeching metal I’d just ride the subway.

I’m seeing Avengers tonight with hopes that, unlike Transformers, it’s lead actor isn’t a Chevrolet. Heard all good things so far.

(18 votes, average: 8.78 out of 10)

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I just spent the last 45 minutes searching back and fourth between my FanDuel lineup creation page, ESPN Fantasy baseball stats, my gut, and my heart in an attempt to find the one true perfect lineup for today’s Challenge. Why is today different than any other day? Well, that’s only because today there is ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS and a free trip to Vegas to be won.

It works like this, the FanDuel Daily Fantasy Baseball Championship consists of 15 Friday qualifying tournaments. Each weekly tournament has over $3,000 in prizes, but if you win one of the 15 qualifying tourneys, you and a friend win an all-expenses paid trip to the Palazzo in Las Vegas the weekend of July 28 & 29. There, the 15 finalists will compete for $250,000 in cash prizes in a one-day fantasy baseball game with the winner taking home $100,000. So yeah, I felt maybe it was worth the ten bucks to enter. Here is the squad that will send me to Vegas:

I know, I know, you probably are shocked by how well I put this team together. Thoughtful substitutions were made to ensure that I wasn’t just deciding based on big names, but actual baseball streaks and stats. It’s on like $100,000 Donkey Kong. Go Hamels.

SIGN UP HERE and I look forward to blogging from The Palazzo in July.

Viva La Stool!

CRAIGSLIST - Generous Looking Guy To Fart On Me (NE Philly)

Looking for a white or latin guy between 18-35yo who farts a lot, looking for you to rip farts on me.  I can be generous.  Even if you don’t fart I know a few methods that can help.  I’ll just lay back, and whenever you have to rip just fart on me that’s it.  Email me for more info.

Straight cash homey. 200 bills for letting one rip on some classy broad in Northeast Philly who has a fetish for farts. Doesn’t get much easier than that.

And yes you better believe my unemployed ass responded to this ad when it was still up.  No dice.

(Editor’s Note: YOU TOO GOOD FOR BLACK FARTS??)

No lie, this was me the whole time:

I almost had a heart attack when Rondo’s armless dad started breaking up the weed with his nubs. It’s too much. I don’t know WHY it’s so funny, but it just is. Which is why I don’t understand how some people are so quick to call someone insensitive for poking fun at stuff like this. If those hypocrites really did treat everyone as equals as they claim to, they’d be able to comfortably make fun of someone with a disability just as they would a “normal” person. This dude is my equal in every meaningful way, I should be able to laugh at him just like I would at anyone else. In other words: you’re prejudiced if you DON’T find this funny.

“That’s my nigga No Hands.”  Clever, guys.

Cue the music!

Yankees blogger and noted pizza boy strasser was talking downright RECKLESS on Barstool New York today about how “Philly Cheesesteak is the most overrated sandwich there is”.

For starters, everyone knows that the BLT is the most overrated sandwich there is. That’s without debate. Bacon is great, but it can’t hold up an entire sandwich on its own. You’re asking too much of Bacon to try to make up for Lettuce and Tomato’s nonexistant contribution to the sandwich. No way Cheesesteak is more overrated than the BLT. That’s number 1.

Secondly, I bet strasser doesn’t even know what a real cheesesteak is. He’s probably too busy eating North Jersey and New York versions on soggy soft rolls made with Steak ‘Ums. Some things just can’t be duplicated, bruh. If the default cheese isn’t Whiz, it’s not a real steak place. If there’s not a line of people out the door and/or regulars in the shop giving you dirty looks, it’s not a real steak place. If your steak isn’t being prepared by an Italian person or a black person, it’s not a real steak place. My point being: you don’t even know what a real cheesesteak is.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the Philly Cheesesteak is the end-all be-all of sandwiches. There are other great options: The Diavlo at Paesano’s, anything from Nick’s Roast Beef, and even South Jersey options like the buffalo chicken cutlet from Antonino’s or the Italian Diablo hoagie from Lucia’s Deli. All of which are fantastic. But to say the cheesesteak is the MOST OVERRATED is without a doubt 100% New York bullshit.

Jim’s American steak wit + ketchup + S&P is like sex that only lasts for 10 minutes. So…you know…like sex.